Birthday Full Moon & Love

When I turned 60 we were in Hawaii, and I couldn’t wait to get back on a surf board.  This year, on my 65 birthday in Puerto Vallarta we explored old town, but MaryBeth was sick and that ended our celebration early.  Late that evening, as I stood alone on our balcony and watched the full moon surf the waves below, I was awed by just being, and so very mindful of the gift of love others had shared along the way.  The next morning, I again stood in awe of the moon setting over the city, and cried as I felt my parents unconditionally love, parents long passed, but who would have been 100 in 2013.  Let love rule 2014!

Puerto Vallarta Vacation

We arrived in Puerto Vallarta on December 14^th and left on the 28th, for a 2 week vacation.  Our room was on the 22^nd floor with a balcony that faced the ocean and amazing sunsets.  The front door faced the city, etched like a painting in the valleys and foothills of the Sierra Madre Mountains.  The first time I used the elevator I was baffled, for the 1^st floor was designated 11 not 1, but then I felt an internal smile realizing I was already half way home.  It’s the little blessing in life when recognized, that become the gratitude filling our lives with joy.  On these last days of 2013 take time to be grateful for life’s little blessings. 

Crabbing with Dad

It’s the small sweet surprises in life that give us the inside joy smiles that connect us with ourselves and others in powerful ways.  In two days my daughter Chandra will turn 33, what a sweet surprise 33 years ago.  I can still picture the obstetrician with one arm in his scrubs, and the other catching this rosy red little bundle of joy, who once out let it be known that she was here.  That little bundle of joy grew up and became a beautiful strong woman, and now a mother.  What sweet surprise will you give someone this holiday season, that will grow inside joy smiles for a lifetime? 

A Calling that Counts

Yesterday, I was the substitute teacher for the cancer survivorship Laughter Yoga class. It’s always a small class of cancer patients and caregivers, who are looking to a break from the anxiousness, anxiety, and worry that cancer can bring. I’d stepped in several months ago and several of the patients and caregivers were back. The couple from Hawaii, she was out of her wheelchair, and a woman about my age whose eyes told me she was glad to be back. I’m always nervous at the start of teaching, but as we warmed up, giggled, and laughed I found my peace and let myself “just be” in the moment. We had fun, some of us laughed till we cried; tears that wipe away our fears. Allow yourself a moment to “just be” today. Laughter Yoga MDACC

Pride in 101 Airborne Division

He stood behind me wearing an US Army baseball cap in a restaurant line at the Tampa airport.  I thanked him for his service and he told me he’d served in the 101 Airborne Div. in Vietnam.  As I turned to walk away I could hear a memory slide from his mouth, “we waited at the train station, my mother and I crying, I didn’t want to go and die”.  We walked to our tables and I ask, “Are you proud of your service now?”, “You bet, it changed me, changed my attitude about life.”  He and his wife raised 3 girls; put them through nursing school to care for a world in a different way.  Pride expressed through gratitude is a wonderful gift for a world that needs more caring.  Care more this holiday season!

Mid-60s LSU Lakes

It had rained hard for several days, and the low bridges were beginning to flood.  I had been catching fish in a pan as they were swept across the bridges.  My 48’ Willis Jeep had no doors or top, I overturned a curve; the jeep went into a spin that sent the jeep and me into the lake.  A wrecker pulled the jeep out, and on Saturday it started up after we drained and replaced all the fluids.  My dad sat in the driver’s seat way too long, finally he turned and asked, “Billy what did you learn from all this?”  I answered way too quickly, “Not to drive in rain?”  He got out of the jeep, grabbed me in a bear hug, “you could have been killed, but there is a greater power than your stupidity at work in our lives!” 

Moments of Possibilities

We all have moments, days; maybe weeks we wish we would not be.  Obligations, events, activities requiring our attention or presence, pieces of life we’d rather avoid.  And then they are over and we realize the anticipation had rearranged our lives, put us on edge with a fear believing these moments would go on forever, but they don’t.  During my 10 years of hospice work as others shared their walks, I learned many lessons I’d never requested participating in last moments.  Moments the dying fully lived, as only moments, to be added to a journey we don’t understand.  Live each moment today, realizing after these moments, life will go on, and is overflowing with possibilities. 

Pressed Joy

Every morning I drive by our ever changing 7 acres of MD Anderson prairie of native grasses, wild flowers, and winding trails dotted with a few clusters of trees and crape myrtles. This morning as I sat at the red light adjacent to the prairie, I could feel the grasses dancing and the flowers yawning. I was back in the late 60’s in Germany working as a lifeguard in an orphanage and every morning walked across fields of grasses and red poppies. That summer I read James Michener and pressed poppies in his books. I still have pages of pressed poppies reminding me of delicateness, yet resilience and joy of our lives. Press some joy in your spirit this holiday season!

Poppy Fields Dancing

Live It!

Sunday I was on my way to Atlanta where I’d be teaching at CDC for several days.  I was #26 in the Southwest Airlines line and a young man wearing a baseball hat was #25.  “You going back to school?”, “nah, I’m in the Army, and going back to work”.  I told him I’d been an Airborne Ranger, he told me he served in the 75^th Ranger Brigade.  We talked briefly about losing friends in wars separated by 30+ years.  We moved to our seats, and I immediately fell asleep dreaming about the synergy of connection and passion.  As we left the plane, I turned and told him, “Stay alive”; he smiled, nodded, and said, “Live it”.  We both walked away smiling knowing that’s what we are here to do – fully live every day!

Be Still / be Grateful - Happy Thanksgiving

It was 1979; I was in a human physiology lab, when a fellow student was electrocuted and flew about 10 feet, landing under a table.  Another classmate and I started CPR, and before the EMT team arrived his heart started back up.  I remember climbing out from underneath the table, and just sitting, wrapped in the moment.  A life had stopped and started up again, and I was lost in the stillness that surrounds such experiences.  Our body-mind-spirit existence requires “still life” moments to nurture and grow.  Today, on Thanksgiving, take a still life moment, breathe, let go, be still, be grateful, and practice just being.   

Nudged into Wholeness

Last Saturday, I had a sunrise walk on the beach with a close friend and I can’t think of a better way to start a day.  It’s not so much what is said, but the experience of seeing, sensing and sharing the presence of being and its possibilities.  Special friends nudge us into deeper places and energize our wholeness in new ways.  The house had a black wrought iron picket fence with a tangle of deep green and smiling white flowers.  Nature and close friends slow us down when our lives become too caught up in the race.   This holiday take a nature walk with a friend, and be nudged into wholeness.   // Whole presence / Feelings the color of soft blossoms / Opening at sunrise.

Reflections and Life Energy

Friday, at the Del Coronado, I’m watching the sunset after a long day of introspection, grappling with emotional processes and mental maps that have given me the strength to persevere through the death of loved ones, war, a broken back, and advanced cancer.  After taking the picture I realize the reflections from the chandeliers, like beads of energy are racing back to the setting sun.  And I feel the energy of life through my connections, and for just a moment I bow my head in prayer.  Today let your heart connect to the life energy of the universe.

Marshall Goldsmith Feedforward

Last Thursday, clouds covered most of the nation, so flying into San Diego; what usually is a beautiful landing over a rich blue ocean was cloud covered with just a thin line of blue.  The Helm Society was holding a Mastermind leadership workshop with Marshall Goldsmith and Srikuman Rao, both executive/personal mastery coaches. One of the lessons learned was receiving and giving feedback, Marshall calls it “feedforward”, or focusing on the future and not the past.  Feedback on a past we can’t change, has limited value, whereas suggestions for our future can catapult us forward.  The key is for us to listen, take notes, without critiquing the suggestions – this is all about people helping us to be right and not proving we have been wrong. 

Marshall Goldsmith Forward Feedback

Life Lessons

The first was a box turtle named Ben, and then there was our family parakeet that lived 17 years.  He was the family member we’d all talk to when no one else would listen.  My daughter and I wrapped our tabby in a soft towel, she held him as I drove to the veterinarian.  The veterinarian was also a Vietnam era vet, and had a presence that instantly made you feel like everything was going to be okay.  But that day we took our tabby home wrapped in the same soft towel, and buried him under the live oak that he loved to climb.  The pets in my life have given me so much unconditional love, a life lesson I’m still trying to learn, how about you?

Summer on One's Own

It was the summer before I started graduate school and we decided to take a vacation and head west.  I had an old long bed, slime green Chevy pickup that we loaded with our camping gear, and covered with an old army tarp.  It took one long day of driving to get to El Paso, and I remember as we lay by the fire and watched the embers glow against a starry backdrop we laughed, “Where would we drive to, tomorrow”?  We roamed for several weeks, camping in Monument Valley, became entranced by Navajo art and crafts, and picked cherries in a very wet Washington State.  It was a summer we flourished being ourselves, as e. e. Cummings suggests, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else.”  Who will you be today?

Einstein and Miracles

Most are in a box at the lake house, but there are mornings these pictures become mixed with my dreams in a surreal kind of way.  It was the early 50’s and I could hear my mother calling as my babysitter and I crawl out of the foxhole.  When we get to the top, she brushes the dirt from my clothes, takes my hand and we turn toward my mother’s voice.  Was this a memory from my first years of life on Tachikawa Airbase Japan, or a reminder from deep inside not too stay in the foxholes of gloom too long.  It’s a choice we all have every day.  Einstein said, you can live as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle. I can’t wait to see the next miracle happen today, how about you?

Sleeping Dragon / Cancer is so Limited

Saturday night I rode the tail of my sleeping dragon in my roles as cancer survivor and cancer caregiver.  We’ve all been there, when life feels overwhelming.  I drove my scooter along the bayou where I watched the full moon dance between the cloud cover, and then drove to where the dragon sleeps – MD Anderson.  Shift change was in progress as I walked to the chapel, I sat, cried, kneeled, than prayed.  After a little over an hour I walked out, but a handout at the chapel door caught my attention, What Cancer Cannot Do.  “It cannot cripple love”, I thought of my wife, kids, and friends, “It cannot shatter hope, or corrode faith”, I thought of how my faith and hope have grown, “It cannot invade the soul or conquer the spirit”, I smiled and felt my passion for life – “cancer is so limited!” 

Life Stories - Life of Excuses

We all have life stories, some hidden deep inside, some that are recurring nightmares, some moments when recalled make us smile.  What’s important is what we learned from these experiences, and how we apply it to our life journey.  Our newest neighborhood homeless man is Mr. Evers.  His home is two wheelchairs, one chair carries his food/clothing, and the other chair is where his life happens.  When you talk to Mr. Evers, you immediately realize he is fully engaged in his life on the corner of Holcombe and Greenbrier, he just happens to live in two wheelchairs.  Most of us will never experience Mr. Evers life restrictions, but most of us also are not as fully engaged in life as Mr. Evers.  What is your excuse?

The Work Life Journey

I’m guessing close to 50 students from University of Houston Clearlake attend my lecture last night on engaging in the “Work Life Journey” through resilience.  We can’t be actively engaged all the time, there are moments or maybe even days that things just don’t go as planned or life gets in the way.  But through engaged resilient living we are aware of our choices and connect to ourselves and others in ways that bring harmony, gratitude, and joy.  Life becomes an art and each day is an opportunity to experiment with different brushes, techniques, colors, and materials.  We become the artist of our lives, creating it, instead of just consuming it, or being consumed by it.  What will you paint today?

The Wall

I woke up yesterday dreaming of The Wall, one of the most visited memorials in Washington DC. 246 feet 9 inches long with its highest tip 10.1 feet high, tapering to 8 inches at both ends with 58,272 names etched in stone. Its reflective qualities bring past and present together and remind every visitor of the ultimate sacrifice soldiers have paid for our freedom. 1st Year, I could see it in the distance / like a coiling snake, but its soundless cries kept me away // 2nd Year, as I walk through the tree line / all I could hear was Johnson’s cries and feel Frank’s cold hand // 3rd Year, I really tried / but I couldn’t find my way / there were too many tears // 4th Year, I walked the mall till dusk / finally stopped at the flags around the Washington monument / and waited for the comfort of darkness to cry alone // 5th Year, “Mister” / she was wiping my tears / “come with me and talk to my dad” // Too many tears / she takes my hand and walks me to the wall / past thousands of names // We stop / “I come every year; just to tell my dad / how proud I am for what he did” // She takes my hand / and runs my fingers across her dad’s name // I am now a part of the wall and the wall is now a part of me // - Captain William B. Baun, Army

Work Life Journey

“It’s not what you achieve, but who you become (The Only Way to Win, Jim Loehr 2012).  I’m 65 years into my work life journey or story – where are you?  All of us have will have moments in our life stories that become the memories that define who we are, how we will respond to life, where we are going.  I remember the day I held the first soldier to die on my command and feeling the deep burden of leadership.  We all have life stories, some hidden deep inside or recurring nightmares, others when recalled make us smile.  What’s important is what we learned from these experiences, and how we apply it to our life journey.”  These are my opening words I jotted down for a talk I give this week, after viewing the sunrise Saturday morning and experiencing the birth of a new day.  How well do you live your life story? 

Rainbows and Rain

I woke up in a spin. Everyone on the ground was looking up, frozen in place as we watched what we thought we’d never ever see happen, a parachute that was not opening and looked like a long cigarette roll. Like all of us he was just a kid. A tall, thin kid, who wore glasses, and had a funny laugh that made you smile. Frozen on the ground we watched him fall at a rate of 22 ft. per second, and there was nothing we could do. As a passion driven person, one of the hardiest lessons I’ve had to learn in life is to step back at times and just let life happen. Was it John Lennon who said, “To see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain”? Some days I have to remind myself it just not my turn to drive.

Listen to Your Heart

It was the summer after I graduated from high school and I was working at a summer camp in New Hampshire for boys from the Boston ghettos. All came with real life issues, some in handcuffs, some in wheelchairs, and many without parents. I had my own real life issues - my mother would die of cancer the next year, and I had friends that were fighting in Vietnam. The day I got the letter, I had just worked through a mild seizure with a wheelchair bound epileptic in my cabin. My stress level was high, and then I read the letter, a friend had died in Vietnam. I walked to the camp office and immediately punched a hole through the wall. The camp director took me for a walk, listened, and then said, “Billy, life is going to happen, learn to let go of your anger by listening to your heart.”

Weed Pulling

In 1968, 4 of us headed out to Washington to work in a Green Giant Pea factory.  Two really didn’t really need the money and had only come along for the ride, but Teddy and I needed the money to help pay for college.  On our days off, Teddy and I would sit on the steps of the country store in Dixie Washington, and farmers would stop and hire us for a 10-12 hour day at $100.  It was usually hard and dirty work, but some days we walked the wheat fields and just pulled weeds.  This morning, I woke up having a soulful, introspective moment pulling weeds that were starting to choke out my daily joy.  Do you have some weeds that need pulling today?

Far Far Away

Saturday, I flew to Las Vegas to be a speaker at the Medical Tourism conference. The trip started with a window seat where I could watch the landscape change as we flew west, and in a way that’s where I stayed. My room was in Caesars Palace and opulence does not go far enough to describe the six towers, casino, pool, food, and conference areas. But my mind never left the grandiosity and natural wonder of the Grand Canyon formed 70 million years ago, and to get lost in its wonder, look beyond seeing, and grasp for things beyond my reach. Lao Tzu, father of Taoism, said “Wonder into wonder, existence opens”. I took a trip to Vegas on Saturday, but ended up far far away.

The sunset, after the rain storm yesterday, stirred up memories of the first time I saw the red rock cathedral like towers and steeples in the Garden of the Gods.   A few hours of hiking and climbing around in these massive structures gave me memories that have become a part of my internal story I’ve relived a thousand times.  Internal stories inspire and influence our actions and when shared, the actions of others.  He told me his 23 year old daughter had been diagnosed with lung cancer, I asked, “how long had she smoked”, he cried and finally said, “she never did, I was the smoker in our family”.  I looked around the room, many were thinking about how their choices affect others, maybe, just maybe my story would help someone take a first step to sustainable change. 

Doing Life Well

Each of us is responsible for the estimated 100 trillion cells that make up our bodies. 100 years ago people died from infection, but today the majority of deaths are from preventable conditions. My grandfather and father both died of prostate cancer, and I have been a prostate cancer survivor for 6 years. Your probably thinking waiting and watching my cancer spread must be nerve wracking, and I guess it could be if I dwelled on the things I can’t control. But each day I focus on those things that give me the energy to do life “well”. What will you do today to ensure you have the energy to do life “well” tomorrow?

Sunlight Clasps the Earth and Moonbeams Kiss the Sea

My mom met my dad at Muskingum College in Ohio, where she was an English Major.  She loved the flow of words and the rhythmic pleasing patterns they formed when placed just right.  Poetry was her choice for a good read on our back patio where the birds and squirrels played chase in the trees, and the shadows danced on the paved patio squares.  Yesterday, I stopped in an MD Anderson garden as I walked back from a meeting, and heard her voice, “And the sunlight clasps the earth / And the moonbeams kiss the sea: / What is all this sweet work worth / If thou kiss not me?”  She was a romantic and as cancer took her body, she found solace in her Bible, faith, and poets like Shelley.  Gifts she gave to me.  What gifts are you giving others? 

Berlin Wall and Freedom

I served the majority of my active Army tour in Europe protecting nuclear weapons, which required a Top Secret clearance.  The Berlin Wall was still up, but there was an agreement between East and West Germany that American service members could take a bus trip into East Germany if they wore their uniform.  We arrived at Checkpoint Charlie; the MPs took our papers and immediately pulled me off the bus.  Their commander told me the risk of going in with a Top Secret clearance, but if I did go in, I was not allowed off the bus.  I took the trip, and when everyone else was visiting the parks, monuments and museums, I sat on the bus and occasionally waved to the East German soldiers that stood guard over the bus and me.  It wasn’t the trip I expected, but being confined to the bus in a city surrounded by a wall and barbwire, as I left the bus, I realized the true preciousness of freedom.  Don’t ever take our freedom for granted.

Living in the Here and Now

It had been a really intense workday.  I left work tired and hungry, and since MaryBeth had already eaten I headed to Jason’s Grill.  After parking my scooter I noticed a group of Tibetan Monks taking pictures with the full size Santa statue near the fish fountain.  We talked for a few minutes about the program they will be performing today using meditation and a tantric ritual, entitled “Cutting through the Ego”.  Their host came, I said my goodbyes, and ran up the escalator to Jason’s Grill for I had let go of my intense workday, and was once again anchored back in the here and now.  You probably won’t get a visit from Tibetan Monks this weekend, but you can strengthen your resilience by living in the here and now.

The Consequency of the Chase

Link Jim Loehr The Only Way to Win

We came out of the chapel, and they stood there in their full dress whites waiting to form the arch of swords that would honor the newly married couple. Gosh I love uniforms! It probably started in the 50’s with Cub Scouts and the blue cap with gold trim, quickly replaced by my Boy Scout uniform with colored patches, badges, and Order of the Arrow sash. And then the Army with my golden ranger tab, silver airborne wings, and hat with a paratrooper patch. Was it the uniforms, or was it belonging to groups that created purpose and passion in my life? Jim Loehr, in his book The Only Way to Win, talks about “it’s not what you achieve, but about whom you become in the consequence of the chase.”

Be Where You Are

Friday, I left with a suitcase packed with clothes for the wedding, planned family gatherings, exercise walks, and play. I also took my briefcase filled with 1 “must finish” project, and 2 work projects that I had been nursing for several weeks. Our first evening in Annapolis we ate together, shared happy memories, and reconnected with the joys of extended family. After that first evening I felt an inner harmony, a delight with just “being where I was”. The last morning in Annapolis, I finally got around to opening my briefcase, not for work, but to check the number of our return flight. Buddha said……”be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life.”

Ubuntu

This past weekend, a Naval Academy Chapel wedding brought the Schaffner family together for 4-days in Annapolis Maryland.  My mom was a Schaffner, and like most families spread across too many States, it’s weddings and funerals that bring us back together to meet new family members, share stories and love.  As the weekend progressed and I watched our family do what families can do so well when they get together to experience and celebrate life. I thought about years ago watching Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Bill Clinton talk about “Ubuntu”.  Ubuntu is an Africa worldview; “I am because you are, you are because I am”, or our lives are bound together and this shared love is the essence of being human.  Be resilient in your Ubuntu today!   

The Little Prince

Last night my wife and I ate at Whole Foods, I’m heading to Orlando for a presentation, and she needed a few things for lunches. There was a young child waiting with his mom in the checkout line, he looked just like the little prince in Saint-Exupery’s book The Little Prince. As we ate, MaryBeth told me about her day, but I was lost in the Sahara desert or was it a fable imprinted deep within my soul. This morning I turned to the torn yellowed page of my journal decorated with hand drawn blue ink flowers, and a thought captured in tears years ago, “and through all the tears, sadness, and pain, comes one thought, that brings internal smiles – I have loved and been loved.” Tell someone how much you love them today.

"Hovering" for Health

Kevin Volpp, M.D., Ph.D., founding director of the Center for Health Incentives and Behavioral Economics Penn, research suggest that because of present-biased preferences and the intangibility of the small steps required in behavior change, just having the knowledge and skills to make a change is usually not enough to nudge ourselves forward. Most of us need ways to be better engaged in the change process and Volpp has a new model he calls “automated hovering”. Last year my good friend Susan Bailey and I were teaching in Tampa, and doing long walks to unwind, she wore a Fitbit that gave her continuous feedback about steps walked, climbed, distance and sleep quality. I bought one and immediately experienced the benefits of automated hovering – 20 pounds lighter, I’m a believer. Consider your behavior change needs today and ways to increase “hovering” for better health. (Link) How to Get People to Live Healthier

Freedom of Gratitude

Saturday, I was the lone scooter in the Sam’s Jam Riders for the Cure motorcycle ride raising dollars for cancer research at MD Anderson.  We traveled 40 miles under the threat of rain to a bar and grill called West of the Brazos.  I ate lunch and left quick hoping to beat the rain home, but half way to Houston I had to stop and put on my rain suit and rode home in the rain.  Two blocks from my house there is a roadside cross and as I rode by it I couldn’t help thinking about the joy I experience every day.  Joy not dependent on anything, it’s just there fostered by a gratitude for life, even when it rains.  Gratitude takes us to a place beyond the controlling mind where the impossible becomes the possible and we are content with all that is already here.  Focus on the freedom of gratitude today.      

Daily Hugs – 4 = Survival, 8 = Maintenance, 12 = Emotional Health / Personal Growth

The 10 Essential Hugs of Life

I called my wife when I reached the parking garage and told her my cancer markers were down. She was ecstatic and I could feel her hug through the phone as we talked about celebrating with an inline skate followed by takeout supper. We got home about the same time, and as the cats circled our legs we did a long snuggle hug in the hallway where we both silently purred like our cats. Hugs are essential for a cancer journey and provide a dose of joy in days that can be filled with anxiety, fear, and what feels like loss of life control. Roy Spence, has a book on hugs coming out in November that has an intriguing title, The 10 Essential Hugs of Life. You might consider pre-ordering the book, but don’t let that stop you from the 12 hugs a day, Virginia Satir, (psychotherapists & mother of family therapy) suggests is necessary for emotional health and personal growth.

Cancer Checkup and Body Vibration

A rare morning ride to work with the sun already up and the clouds painted with the softness from the suns last morning yawn.  Yesterday, I taught Laughter Yoga to a small group of cancer survivors and caregiver 2-hours before my 3-month cancer checkup.  The days of cancer checkups my body has either an anxiousness vibration created by fear, or a joyful vibration created by gratitude.  After our last breathing exercise I had the class hum, and then put their hands over their ears, and hum again noting the change.  One caregiver described the change in vibration as stronger, and yet more intimate.  Learn to listen to your daily vibration, a window into your spiritual health.