Prayers on the Wings of a Butterfly

Sunday, MaryBeth, Auggie, and I headed to the McGovern Centennial Gardens and after a few short stops ended up on a log bench in the beautiful Family Gardens.  Surrounded by the rich smell of herbs, and flowers of all colors I was transfixed by two Monarch butterflies playing chase.  Every autumn, the monarch butterflies east of the Rockies migrate from as far north as Canada to Mexico. Memory is not their guide — no one butterfly makes the round trip — but each year they somehow find their way.  The sun felt good, as I thought, like the Monarch butterfly, somehow I’d found my way through the last couple of months of hardships at work, and with my spreading cancer.  My internal smile grew as I thought about how my prayers are like the wings of the Monarch butterfly, somehow releasing me each day from life pain, and allowing me to be.  May your prayers be on the wings of a butterfly…

Giant "X" Vapor Trails

  Giant “X” Vapor Trails

The HERO Forum15 was one of those awesome moments in life when as Thornton Wilder suggested in his play Our Town, “you realize life as you are living it.”  There were many individuals that had been a part of my 35 year worksite wellness journey at the HEROForum15, many who I had not seen for years, and many I will probably never see again.  We all had aged, but as we bonded again, I realized their eyes and voices still held the same passion that spoke to me so many years ago.  Yesterday, MaryBeth and I did several long walks, and on one I watched two jets cross paths leaving a giant “x” vapor trail in the sky.  It reminded me of how my life has been blessed with so many individuals that have shared a part of their life with me and the giant “x” vapor trails we’ve left behind. 

Below is my acceptance speech for the Bill Whitmer Leadership Award I gave last Tuesday, September 29^th.  I had been asked to talk about my entry into the field and my leadership journey.  What struck me as I reread the speech this weekend was how many giant “x” vapor trails I’ve made with others along the way.  What giant “x” vapor trail have you made with someone else lately?

Thanks Susan Bailey for recommending me for this award, and being more than a good friend, more like a daughter.

When I was 5, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and she died when I started college, the same year my dad declared bankruptcy.  Army ROTC was one of the ways I worked my way through undergraduate school, serving in the Army as an Airborne Ranger.  I came back from war, like many, looking for redemption, and immediately went to work for a big church.  Six months into the job I broke my back in a car accident when a car hit me at a red light.  After a spinal fusion of four of my lumbar vertebra, I spent six months in the hospital and six months in a full body cast, before I learned how to walk again.  Somewhere around my 3^rd or 4^th month in the hospital I watched a young man come into the room across the hall with multiple injuries from a motor cycle accident.  I could only see the lower half of his body, and after several weeks, they took one leg and then the other.  The day he had no legs I promised myself if I ever walked again I would find a profession where I could help people that weren’t as lucky as me.  This experience over 40 years ago is what drives my passion for wellness. 

My dad died of cancer almost 25 years ago, and he never really understood what I did for a living or the concept of worksite wellness, he wanted me to be a psychologist like the rest of the family.  But my parents gave me values that have guided my life and work. The values of purpose, passion, perseverance, engagement, faith, and caring.   Receiving this award tonight, honors my parent’s faith in life, its wholeness, and its goodness. 

One of my favorite Baun-isms is “we don’t do life alone”, and there are many who have been the winds under my sail.  Bob Patton and Peter Raven guided my graduate programs, fueled my scientific curiosity and gave me a passion for excellence.  Ed Bernacki at Tenneco and Georgia Thomas at MD Anderson supervised and collaborated with me for a combined 26 years allowing me to grow, and for me to grow those I managed.  There are many individuals that pushed, prodded, and collaborated with me on research, writing, and projects that have spanned for decades and significantly changed our field.  My superhero’s: Michael O’Donnell, Nell Gottlieb, David Hunnicutt, Len Berry, Ron Goetzel, Nico Pronk, Sheela Sharma, and George Pfeiffer.  And of course, my biggest supporter is my wife, MaryBeth.  What an awesome journey – thank you all so very much!

Bill Whitmer Leadership Award

Tuesday, Sept 29^th the Health Enhancement Research Organization will honor me with the Bill Whitmer Leadership Award for my 35 years of teaching, writing, growing wellness programs, and serving in leadership positions in organizations that have moved the employee health management field forward.  What will I say when presented the award? 

My mother died before I finished college, and my dad died almost 25 years ago, and he never really understood worksite wellness, but they both gave me four values that have guided my life and worksite wellness practice. These values are purpose, passion, perseverance, and engagement.  Receiving this award honors my parent’s faith in life, its wholeness, goodness, and belief in me as I struggled through my early school years with undiagnosed dyslexia. 

One of my favorite Baun-isms is “we don’t do life alone”, and there are many who have been my wind.  Bob Patton and Peter Raven guided my graduate programs, fueled my scientific curiosity and gave me a passion for excellence.  Ed Bernacki at Tenneco and Georgia Thomas at MD Anderson supervised and collaborated with me for a combined 27 years allowing me to grow, and for me to grow those I managed.  There are many individuals that pushed, prodded, and partnered with me on research, writing, and projects that spanned decades and significantly changed the field.  My superhero’s are Michael O’Donnell, Nell Gottlieb, David Hunnicutt, Len Berry, Ron Goetzel, Sheela Sharma, and George Pfeiffer.  And of course, my biggest supporter is my wife, MaryBeth.  What an awesome journey – thank you all so much!

Sunitinib (Sutent) Oral Chemo

Yesterday, I started Sunitinib (Sutent) a targeted oral chemo that interferes with the ability of cancer tumors to make the blood vessels it needs to spread or grow.  My clinical study is looking at the mix of several different targeted oral chemotherapy’s to better understand their efficacy.  I decided to take the new pills after breakfast, so if there were any major side effects I’d have a better feel for them by the end of the day. 

MaryBeth had an evening commitment, so I brought supper back to the office and worked till about 8 pm.  It wasn’t till I was riding home and had stopped to check on one of our neighborhood homeless persons that I thought about the new chemo.  As I sat on the corner and talked with Ralph, I experienced one of those “soulful moments”.  We talked about where he planned to sleep, and about the food he had saved up for tomorrow.   We talked about his diabetes, and he always asks me if I have diabetes, and I always tell him about my cancer.  I told him about starting a new chemo, and for a few minutes he didn’t talk, then he told me he’d pray for me.  I sat with him just a little longer - two men sitting on a street corner concerned about each other.  

River Rock Exercise

Yesterday, I taught walking meditation.  Our meeting place is an open space created by the merging of four hallways.  Walking meditation is one of my favorite classes to teach and I had placed my river rocks on a small round table to use in an exercise at the beginning of the class that immediately pulls participants out of their heads and into their hearts.  As I waited, a few employees walking by asked about the rocks, and I’d invite them to the class, but most were on their way to meetings.  A few stopped long enough to go through the river rock exercise that starts with the question, “What rock speaks to you?” 

A busy friend picked a rock, and I asked “Why that rock?” and she replied, “I guess I was drawn to its shape, color, and the way the markings circle the rock.”  My next question was “What does this rock say about the way you need to approach life today?” she pondered for a minute, and then smiled as she enclosed her fingers around the rock and said “go with the flow”.  She walked away with a different bounce in her step and a smile.  How do you need to approach life today?  Pick a rock…….

Windhorses

Johnny slept most nights in a door way near my turn at Travis and McKinney.  He’d lived on the streets of downtown Houston for many of my years at Tenneco.  I’d look for his shape huddled against a door that gave him a little heat or cool air, and leave him food, cover him if it was cold or wet, and if he was awake try to talk him into a shelter.  He didn’t drink, he had just lost himself somewhere along his journey.  I remember the week I couldn’t find him, and how I drove around anxiously looking for him.  But he was gone. 

Tibetan prayer flags that flutter in the wind are called “windhorses”, as they provide uplifting energy and carry prayers to heaven like a horse flying in the wind.  Looking back I realize Johnny was one of the windhorses I’ve had in my life, uplifting my energy as our lives briefly touched.  What windhorses do you have in your life today?  

Gratitude Moments

Talking to a friend today, I asked him why the bandage on his arm, and he said, “Bill, I’ve spent 30 years in a wheelchair, and after 30 years with my arm hitting the armrest, I’ve developed a bruise.”  I could feel the tears behind my eyes, he and I had catastrophic injuries at about the same age, but I walked after my broken back – he didn’t.  We talked for a little while longer and as I walked back to my office I could feel the tears, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I had taken for granted today, and yesterday, and the day before, and last week as we walked on the beach.  Tomorrow each time I get up from my chair I plan to stop and reflect on those things I have taken for granted.  Maybe you also need to put gratitude moments back into your life?  Why not start with me!